72 posts tagged movies
72 posts tagged movies
Things I’m learning from the Simpsons writers livefeed…
That’s how I lived. I was going through my rites of passage, no question about it. It was a great year of my life.
I thought it was common knowledge. At the end of every Inside The Actor’s Studio, James Lipton asks a series of question from French intellectual Bernard Pivot. After asking “What is your least favorite sound?”, and “What would you like God to say to you when you get to heaven?”, he always asks his guests “What would you do if your whore come back to you a few francs short?”
NOW I CAN BE A TRUE MERMAID
I actually did a report on this last year! The substance is called perfluorocarbon and because of its unique nature, it can hold enough oxygen inside of it for you to breathe it. You can breathe safely while inside it, but sometimes the transition from breathing in the perfluorocarbon and the air can be painful or uncomfortable as your lungs try to push the liquid out of them. In Dan Brown’s book The Lost Symbol, the process of reverting back to breathing the air can feel like being birthed.
thank you friend
how the fuck do they know what being birthed feels like
This liquid is used in modern torture. It is similar to water boarding. A victim is placed in a small completely dark box. The box is then filled with the liquid. The victim thinks they are drowning as they breath the liquid in. Most pass out from fear at this point or they just sit there in the liquid in pitch black, apparently breathing ‘water’. Often it leads to the thought that they are in fact dead. It is completely terrifying. Then the box is opened and they are violently pulled from it. As said before the transition from liquid to air is none too pleasant. You might be told something like, they resuscitated you and to tell them what you know or they will “drown” you again.
You can “drown” someone and be sure that they won’t be harmed
You all needed to know this.
what the fuck to both of those
wasn’t their liquid breathing in The Abyss
Dawning of the Rise of Apes, at Breakfast (2014): I was pretty befuddled by this whole experience. Uhm. I like the original fine, but I didn’t see the last one, the James Franco movie. I just didn’t bother to— didn’t feel any urgency to. But went to see this and this thing…
1. It’s just extremely self-serious. I can’t really say much of it was fun because oh boy, is that movie serious about the story of whether or not talking apes can get along with people or not. Which— is not really a question that keeps me up at night. This movie seems like it’s just part of the same-old same-old Nerd-Thinking that “taking something ridiculously seriously" is the ultimate way of respecting a piece of material which… is just weird. I guess that’s how things are being done now— James Bond can’t just be a fun guy who fucks spy ladies in Monte Carlo and kills guy with laser-pens and makes fun of their corpses; he has to be, like, a Broken Orphan. I mean, I get it because I want to see movies that feel like Real Movies too when I go see these movies, as much as anyone, and I’ve sat through plenty of “Fun Campy” shit that does not work, but still… Why isn’t a movie about talking apes any fun???
2) The most effectively mounted action scene in the movie, we’re just watching the Bad Guy and seeing whether or not the Bad Guy will manage to defeat the humans. And there’s all these shots from the Bad Guy’s Point of View as he struggles to fight humans. It makes it really hard to care what happens in the action scenes if you’re watching from the point of view of the character you’re rooting against. I found it very disengaging. The only movies I can think of (at least tonight) where you root against the point of view character would be slasher movies…? That was the best the action ever got— a scene where I couldn’t even root for the character involved in the action…?
3) The movie spends hours setting up these human characters— Zero Dark Thirty Guy has a girlfriend and a son, and the whole movie goes through all these elaborate hoops to set up how much Zero Dark Thirty cares about his son. And none of it pays off— near the end, he just tells them “you guys wait in this house— I’m going to go deal with this whole ape thing.” And then that’s end of the movie for them! That was their last day of filming. W-h-a-t? I found that choice very weird. There’s just not a lot of scenes where the people’s goals or motivations were even remotely interesting…
4) At one point, the son tries to bond with one of the apes over their mutual love of art. But the way that manifests itself is that the boy shows an ape a copy of Charles Burns’s Black Hole… which is a comic about a sex disease. Like, the whole movie is humans trying to get apes to trust them and the kid’s, like, “You should totally trust us— here, look, here’s a comic about how we’ve *totally got sex diseases*. Riddled with them. Trust us? Trusting us lots?" Uh, weird taste in comics, this movie…
5) I don’t know what other people think this movie is about, but what I kind of immediately— and I mean during the movie, immediately— came to believe it was about— and I don’t think this was their intent— but I thought it was a movie celebrating the genocide of the Native American population of North America…? Which sounds a little weird typed out, or said out loud to the people I said that out loud to, I grant you but… The whole movie’s about these savages who meet some white people when the white folks come onto their land, right? And so, I went, oh okay, I’ve seen something like that before… Except here? The twist here is that the war between the white people and the savages….? ALL THE FAULT OF THE SAVAGES. Yep, turns out the savages start it because if you let down your guard around those spear-carrying savages, the savages will steal your guns and use them against you
and start dating your women. Also, anything about them being noble savages? Nope— the movie pretty clearly lays out that the savages’ philosophies about peace and family are just total bullshit and that the savages are really just bloodthirsty and untrustworthy unless the right dictator happens to be in charge of them. And like the whole movie is just about these misunderstood white people who are just trying to take care of themselves and are willing to share the land peacefully, and everything would have been just fine if it weren’t for the distrustful savages willfully stirring up trouble…? And the turning point for the heroic dictator’s character arc, the Big Moral Lesson for the Apes, is the heroic dictator realizing that his error was putting his people first, and not realizing that his people were really just as bad as those humans if you think about it (i.e. a “the oppressed are always just as bad as their oppressors" theme that tends historically to be a big favorite for oppressors) and …
6) Or like, Gary Oldman’s character is supposed to be the angry militant “we’ve got to fight those apes” character in this movie but… The movie goes out of its way to talk about how he’s this really great guy who’s just sad about his kids being dead from some kinda James Franco monkey-sex flu that went around (I’m assuming people are dead because Franco inappropriately fucked one of the apes…? Head-canon). Like, in any Roger Corman version of this story, the Gary Oldman character would have just been some asshole, the same way the militant ape character was a jackass, but here…. Gary Oldman did a better job seeming like he was a bad guy in REAL LIFE than in this movie, which…. The movie just couldn’t deliver kind of basic pop pleasures. I like the Military-guy who’s just a Short-Sighted Jerk as a bad guy in movies. Those are fun characters. Doing a more elaborate take on that may be more “Real” but it’s not as fun… And it’s just made weird when the bad guy Ape doesn’t get that same range of feeling. The worst person is still a person; a bad Savage is just a monster.
7) Look, I’m not asking you to agree with me because I can hear how this sounds. But what I can say is this: if you happen to find yourself watching this movie this way, through this lens, this is one of the plum craziest fucking moviegoing experiences you will likely have had in a good long while. This was a weird 2-and-a-half-hour journey into crazy for me.
8) On just a thrill level, I didn’t find most of the action very interesting because I couldn’t tell the apes apart usually. And just— I found it dull mostly as action. Or I think I was just supposed to care more about Andy Serkis and his ape-y character more than I did. I guess I just have a hard time with CGI characters, however well realized (and the ape-realizing I guess was good…? I guess? How would I know— I only hang out with humans). Avatar, same thing where most of that movie I was like, “None of these blue assholes are real. Burn all the fake trees you want! La la la, I don’t care. I will still want to get on top of Sigourney Weaver when she’s 90 years old. La la la." I guess I’m the worst-racist of all in that I will only root for humans in movies…? Well, I rooted for those dogs to make out in that movie about spaghetti though. I rooted for Lady and The Tramp to just get on each other, to just, like, lick each other all over, up and down. But besides that movie, I just tend to root for people… I never saw Free Willy. I’m not into that Pixar movie about bugs that much. In American Pie, I rooted against the pie.
Abhay is my absolute favorite person to see movies with. I probably liked it a bit better than he did, I thought the VFX work, the signing with the apes and the action choreography were well done. Much better cast than Rise of The Planet of the Apes (although Keri Russell was CRIMINALLY underused, she is killing it on The Americans).
I don’t mind my summer action movies being serious - I loved The Dark Knight. But it’s kind of weird that, for a movie that takes itself so seriously. Dawn of The Planet of The Apes didn’t seem to be ABOUT anything. Not in the way that I remember the old Apes movies being about things (I kind of think the old Ape movies - which I loved - were kind of racist and expressing fears about newly empowered minorities taking revenge on their former masters).
The message of Dawn seemed to me to be that there’s no point in cooperation because war is inevitable. Which would be fine, except that weirdly juxtaposed with a very upbeat ending where Caeser and Jason Isaacs part as friends and the sun rises for a new…well, dawn.
Where I thought Abhay really nailed this was the problem with who you’re supposed to root for. It felt like the filmmakers wanted us to root for the apes, but the minute you put human beings on film, no matter how evil they are it’s hard not to root for them.
I didn’t pick up the Native American genocide thing that Abhay did, but I find it fun in the way that all the theories about The Shining were fun. If you are going to go that route, I guess you can say that Anti-Semitic Gary Oldman putting C4 underneath the ape’s tower was code for 9/11 being an inside job (notice that all the Jewish apes got out first)!
Yeah, film criticism is fun.
Marvel is going to have a hard time topping this version of Dr. Strange.
The history of X-Men time travel in one (huge) chart.
Ben Affleck as Batman in color. Colors from artist Zac Atkinson. Adam West, Dark Knight Returns and my favorite Grant Morrison’s Zur En Arrh Batman with Batmite.
Star War: A Turn to The Dark Side Episode 3.1:
A reimagining of the Star Wars prequel trilogy edited into a single compelling movie, based on the structure conceived by actor Topher Grace. As a critique of episodes 1-3, many large plot pieces have been removed or changed to strengthen the core relationship between Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala. More than 100 video and audio edits heighten the main character’s tragic fall from grace.
This probably won’t be up very long, so you might want to download this here. Personally, I’d prefer to see Topher Grace’s 85 minute cut.
THIS should have been the Spider-Man musical. Emma Stone DESTROYS Jimmy Fallon in a Lip Sync battle. (via Egotastic).